Asalam Alaykum!
The thought just crossed my mind that creating a blog might be a useful way for me to process my thoughts right now. I really don't expect anybody to read it, apart from little old me! I am 21 years old, a young lady living with my lovely parents and older brother. Over the past few months I have been studying Islam, and feeling its irresistible call... I feel Allah has planted a seed in my heart, and my love for and yearning to know more about Islam is growing stronger every passing day :)
I'm actually a really private person, and Nisanur is not my real name (yet :p). At the moment I'm trying to learn as much as I can about Islam and am really thinking of taking my shahada soon.
My sweet, beautiful boyfriend is the main reason I became interested in Islam. He is Turkish, and is studying his degree in Australia at the same university as me. We met in February of this year, after randomly bumping into each other on campus a few times. He asked me out for a coffee and the rest, as they say, is history. I learned that he was Muslim, but I didn't really know anything about Islam except for the five pillars of faith. Just the very basics. I wanted to know more about what he believed, and so started reading about Islam in my spare time. He never asked me to learn about Islam, and only recently have I begun talking openly about it with him.
Now, I was brought up in a very non-religious household. My parents both went to Christian boarding schools, and are now best described as atheists, as is my brother. When I was younger, I used to go to a Christian youth-group with my friends, more because of the social aspect than any real interest in religion. As I got older, around 12 years old, I would have called myself a Christian. I went to youth-group every Friday, and felt I believed fundamentally in God. Later though, as I learnt more about Christianity, I found myself more and more dissatisfied with what we were taught each week. I didn't understand the Trinity. I didn't agree with how women were treated in the Bible. I hated being told to 'just have faith'. I stopped going to youth group, and thought maybe my parents were right.
I guess I was Agnostic from then on. In my mind, I had my own theory about how God should 'be'. I'd joke about starting my own religion, one which saw God as an all-encompassing entity, with no recognizable form- not male or female. This God would be like.. a presence, not even anything comprehensible. The Creator of everything- All-Knowing, Loving, Merciful, Benevolent. One.
A few months ago, when I started expressing some interest in Islam, my boyfriend gave me some brochures he'd brought from the campus mosque. Something I read really struck me. I read about Allah. The description they gave of Him was exactly like what I thought God should be..! I think that just triggered something in me, because since then I have been devouring anything about Islam. I read conversion stories, I watch videos, and now I read an English copy of the Qur'an in secret.
I think last week I developed a block, though. My boyfriend will be away for months, and I have no female Muslim friends. I have many questions and I think I need a long girly chat. Fortunately I stumbled across a few channels on youtube belonging to some beautiful Muslim girls. They make Islam feel real to me now, not something abstract. If I could, I would love to say thank you to Saluff, ValleyGurlFrmHell, and YazTheSpaz89.. You ladies really made me feel less scared, much more comfortable with everything :)
Anyway, that is my ramble of a post. First post, ever! Woohoo!! I guess I'll be writing more (probably sporadically) about my 'adventure' embracing Islam (InshaAllah), and maybe other things too.. I mean I have never used a blog before, I'm not quite sure how it works or if anyone will look at this? In the meantime, much love and take care!
Nisanur
