Long Time No Blog

First thing's first:  Happy New Year!

Phew, better late than never right? hehe

So it has been a few months since I posted anything here, and I hope everyone is well (Hi to my two subs lol, way to get me all excited!).  Uni has long finished for the year and I am now on holidays, although I'm working for a few days every week.  Actually my new job is in the city, and one thing I notice on my way to and from the office are all the hijabis in Sydney Masha'Allah.  I bite back an 'Assalaamu alaikum' about 100 times a day.  I mean, I'm sure a sister wouldn't mind a random girl greeting her like that- but I am too shy to do it :/

I have been consistently continuing my studies on Islam, but now I feel like my focus has shifted slightly.  Previously, I was reading mainly about why people convert to Islam and other basic sorts of things like the importance of prayer, and why women wear hijab.  I guess I approached it just like the way you would study for a project or an assignment- you're basically just gathering information, and although it might be of interest to you and can make you consider other possibilities, you probably wouldn't act upon the things you learned or make them a part of your life at all.  I only see this now in retrospect because I realised that my attitude has imperceptibly changed.  How to explain... I now feel like Islam is not only the right path for me, but that it's simply becoming part of me.  I am thinking differently, feeling differently, seeing everything differently.  Basically, I feel like a non-Muslim Muslim lol.

Maybe that is why I have an urge to greet every Muslimah I see, I guess I feel like she's my sister.  It would also explain why clothes shopping became a whole lot more challenging.  I went shopping with one of my best friends a few weeks ago, and...I was beguiled by maxi-skirts.  Maxi-skirts, maxi-dresses, long floaty sleeves, long flowy tops... Completely beguiled.  I had no eyes for other clothes, would not give them the time of day.  Oh and we can't forget the other bewitching item: scarves.  I swear there must have been a gravitational pull around every accessories section, battering the defences of a poor innocent non-Muslim Muslim...

And that would explain why I ordered a bunch of hijabs last week.  Yep.  I went on to pearl-daisy.com and fell in love with half of Amena's stock...  I bought 6 hijabs, insha'Allah they will arrive next week (although I am having them delivered to a friends house- I'm not ready for my family to ask awkward questions about mysterious pink packages).

I'm so excited!!  They haven't even arrived and I've filled my wishlist with 6 more ^^".  And I need underscarves.. and pins... and wow I am just really excited.  Funny though, if anyone had asked me 6 months ago if I'd consider wearing hijab I would have definitely said no way, Jose.  And now I am saving my paychecks to buy scarves?  I mean, I don't know how long it will take me to start wearing hijab in public after I take my shahada, but I guess I'm subconsciously preparing myself for when the time arrives.  It is something that I want to do, for Allah's sake.  And I would be proud to represent Islam.

What did I say at the end of my last post?  I think I forgot my own advice :P

So I am making progress.  I am feeling really content and not so confused at the moment.  My main concerns are generally about my family and friends, and the many possible reactions they might have to me converting to Islam.  But even these are becoming less panicked Alhamdulillah.  I need to go about things the right way and I know my family will come around.  *fingers crossed*

~Nisanur

Piecemeal Sunrise

Alrighty, I think I've procrastinated long enough writing another post..
I don't really know where to start?

I have been quietly continuing my studies about all things Islam.  Mainly watching videos on Youtube, reading blogs, and reading the Qur'an.  It's hard to describe how I feel about wanting to become Muslim.  On one hand, I feel like it is the right path for me.  I believe there is no God but Allah (la ilaha illa Allah) and that Muhammad is his messenger (Muhammad rasulu-llah).  And on the other hand, I feel like there are so many complications with converting that I can't yet bare to face.  I don't really talk to my family about these thoughts.  I feel like they would jump to conclusions about why I am interested in Islam.  They would think my boyfriend is pushing me to do it.  This isn't the case at all.  Although he is over the moon that I am taking an interest and learning about his religion, I was the one to initiate it.  Also, they are all intelligent, open-minded people and I know they would accept my decision.  But I want to be absolutely sure of myself before I put the whole thing out there.  

So anyway, they don't know what I've been up to.  And while they aren't at all against Islam, there's a general suspicion-against-all-religions attitude in my household.  I think I need to start slowly broaching the subject with them.  I have been doing this a little with my Mum, making comments about hijab in particular.  For instance, when it's a windy day outside I comment on how wearing the hijab would make the weather much more hair-bearable.  Bad hair day? No time to shampoo? Perfect time for a head-scarf!  We joke about it a bit sometimes, which is actually proving to be a great way to then talk about it more seriously.  She was wondering aloud about why it is Muslim women have to cover their heads.  I think I took her by surprise because I was like "I know why!" and proceeded to give her a long explanation about modesty and respect in Islam.  When I was done, she nodded and said it would probably benefit everyone else to follow those same guidelines Alhamdulillah.

Actually hijab is one aspect of Islam I never cease to be pondering.  A year ago I thought the word itself could just be translated as 'head-scarf', and that 'hijab' was just about covering the women.  But as I am now wiser (hah) I have learned so much about what 'hijab' actually entails.  First of all, it applies to both men and women, and is sensitive to showing respect and modesty for yourself and for others.
One facet of hijab that really resonates with me: Men and women both should lower their gaze when it comes to the opposite sex.  How great is that?  I dress pretty modestly already, but I cannot even count how many times I have felt uncomfortable out in public with men looking at me.  Nothing to do with being uncomfortable with myself, but rather being uncomfortable with the way they were looking.  If a man is looking at a girl's body, I'm pretty sure there are only a limited number of things that could be going through his mind.  I have enough respect for myself to want to cover up.  The same goes for girls, I mean what sort of attention do you aim to receive by being flirty with your eyes..?  This aspect of hijab just exudes respect, inter- and intra-respect.  OK, I think I made those terms up.  But I hope it makes sense; respecting yourself, respecting others, and having others respecting you.

Oh man, I was struggling to start this post and now I take a breather and realise I've almost rambled out an essay.  Oops :S  There's more to say, but I'll separate into a few posts so it isn't all jumbled up.  Wow this was helpful!

x Nisanur